Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize