piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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