We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Randomize
