i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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