never play flip cup with pint glasses
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
