She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
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We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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