Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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