this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
