Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
