I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
