What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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