if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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