well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
