Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
