I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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