when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I still have a little drunk in my system
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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