Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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