Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I looked at my own cervix.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
