Im at strip club and am horny
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
