Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
