The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
