Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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