Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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