so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
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I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.