I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.