Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home