I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!