So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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