can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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