meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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