Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
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I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
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I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Holy sore nipples Batman
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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