just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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