If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
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Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now