My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize