You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
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The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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