Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
