like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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