Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
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I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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