Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My breasts were aching with rage.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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