Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize