well I can't set my house on fire every night
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
