You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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