He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
