Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
