I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
