Sponge bath it is.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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