I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize