I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
