im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dicks are not precious.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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