I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
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It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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