i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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