Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
