Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
