Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
