So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
