i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.