The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.